I have a new journal and will be inviting all friends to join soon. I just wanted everyone to know so they will look for it and accept me when i add you.

thanks

this is my new journal:
http://adrenilda.livejournal.com/

Ok so i know i said i was gonna try and keep up with posting but i have just accepted the fact that i am not good with that. Most of the things i would post would be depressing so I just avoid it cause i dont want people to think i am mellow dramatic. So here is happy stuff......

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooo excited to be a mom. I am scared of labor but the end result will be worth it. My friend chantelle threw me a shower and it was tons of fun and i got some great stuff. Tons of cloths but they will get used. I also got my stroller that i wanted it is sooo awsome and JR's family is gettig us the furniture for babys room. He will be so spoiled. Oh yeah its a boy! lol His name will be Gerard Romero I think it is cute many say he will be made fun of it but I think it sounds manly. so anywho thats my post enjoy and i will try and be better but no promises ^_^

So I am very sad this week. Not exactly sure why but I know I am un happy with my life. I feel as though I am doing nothing important.I get up go to work come home or do errons, walk the dog and then go to bed. I do get to do things with friends but it feels empty. I feel like something is missing. I have had some unexpected stress come up and that kick me down. Then my mom called me yesterday and said she dosent want my grandma helping her anymore. So now it is left on JR and I which is fine but I know I cant do it all. I am also mad at my grandma but for other reasons but I keep peace cause I know (as little as it is) her help is needed. So I don't know what to do to feel fulfilled cause I dont have much time for other things. I wich staying busy as I am was enough but I am just not happy with life. opinions and advice are definetly welcome.

I know I write sad posts so I try to end it with some good. I got to go to the My chemical romance concert last week at the tempe town lake music festival. It was awsome. Seeing them in concert always makes me smile and Gerard was so HOT!!!!!! I LOVE GERARD!!! So happy panda.

Also I am excited that in less then a month I will be in utah to see cherie graduate and I am very very much looking forward to that so I hope this feeling is just a funk.

bad news, I haven't had a chance to post cause I have been getting off work really late. I have been trying to catch us up at work and it is so hard. Then yesterday I was so proud of us we got alot done but then my great day went sour. It started with one of the docs asking why he got a fax so late. I told him that we are backed up and I am working on fixing things. Then Dr. D asked me for somthing so I found it and gave it to him. This then turned into him asking me why he didn't get it till now. Out of reaction I tried to give him an excuse then i finally said I don't know. We are backed up and have been slow and I don't want to give you an excuse but I am trying. So after that I went back to medical records and cried for a minute cause I feel like I have failed and I do not deserve my job. I will continue to try and fix things and I hope I can.

Bit of bad news, Mom sprained her ankle on the stairs. I don't know much more then that but keiko has to stay with me this weekend. I don't really want her to only because she will smell like my moms and she is wild and doesn't get along with kricket very well.

Good news, I bought a hairless rat. His name is Capt. Rhodes (big points if you know where the name is from) He is so cute and very sweet. I will put up pictures when I have some.

So we will see how that goes. Well I must get back to work! ^_^

So here are the pictures of the kimono i promised....

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g55/lostangel1456/P2140149.jpg

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g55/lostangel1456/P2140148.jpg

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g55/lostangel1456/P2140152.jpg

Its so pretty and a total steal in price. ^_^

So james letter...I am sure many wanna know what is in it. well here it goes, so where we left off james had meet a girl and got her pregnant and then I was told that the kid wasn't his and i just chose to forget the whole thing. So the letter was the truth about what happened which is he went to a party passed out and woke up next to a girl who said they had slept together. sometime after she called him and told him she was pregnant so they got married. Then she turned into a bitch and said the kid wasn't his. So they decided to get a divorce and it turns out the kid is his. So they are still getting a divorce and he has a four month old son named logan. He is currently fighting for custody of the kid cause the mom is a really bad mom. So, he seems happy which is good.
However, the letter left me with alot of different feelings. I have been dealing with them all weekend. It feels like a really bad wound that hurts but its a good hurt cause you know that means its healing. I really am happy to know the truth i feel really good about the whole thing now. The only thing that makes me sad is going over the relationship...the good the bad and the ugly. I can finally say with all confidence I feel better.

Sorry i didn't post all weekend it was kinda crazy. Jr was in Texas at a convention and had a good time. He got my favorite horror movie actor to call me, it was sooooooooooo awesome!! For those who know it was Joe Pilato from Day of the dead, best zombie movie ever.

Friday we went to pilazzo a night club and had a blast dancing. Jesse took us and we had a really great time. Saturday we went to the japanese festival and had a lot of fun. I even bought a kimono for 70 dollars i was really excited. Then sunday I just cleaned had kricket groomed and got JR from the airport.

This weekend however I got a letter from James. It was an explanation and apology for what happened. It was good and I feel alot better about so many things but it also made me kinda sad. Some of the things in the letter did hurt to hear but I am glad that I finally know what happened and that he did apologize for it.

Not much else happened this weekend, oh I did get the first season of desperate house wives and now I am obsessed. its cool but sucks cause I really don't need another tv show to keep up with. anywho I have to get back to work ^_^ I will post pictures later

So I wanted to have a good entry today but, sadly its not all good. So i will again start with the bad and end with the good. So work made me so cranky today. Everyone just kept asking for things and my work just piled up. I felt like I got absolutly nothing done. I just wish people would find there own charts and learn hoe to run insurance. It really is not that hard and anyone can do it. What makes things worse is people just are unappreciative of what i and the other girls in med records do. Just so everyone knows what we do here is a list....
1. put together charts for the next day
2. put sick visits together
3. find faxes and give them to the docs
4. give messages that are writen to the dr
5. copy charts
This is all I can remember but then add on everyones favors and there you go.

After work I went to get my taxes done and it turns out I owe 321 to federal and 124 to state and I have like a month to save up as much as possible. Jr said he would help but i only will take it if i have to. Thats all I really wanna say about that cause Im just really stressed about it.

Then I didn't get to write about this but my mom is being really mean. I didn't get a chance to call her over the weekend so I called her monday and all she did was accuse me of thinking shes a burden. I mean I will do anything no peoblem and I never make, or at least i thought I didn't, make her feel bad about it. So now I really really don't wanna call her so now I will feel worse.

On to the good....

My chemical romance is coming back to town and I am going!!!!! I am getting krista and I (cause its her birthday) VIP tickets to the show. I am so totally excited it made this day alot better. so now I am relaxing at home with JR, Krista and her new boyfriend Nick. The guys are playing video games and krista and I are just having a beer so this day wasn't a total loss and there is always tomorrow!

So today started fine. Got up fed the dog and left for work. While in the car however, I got a horrible feeling of lonleiness. Now I know its silly I have friends and jr but, at that moment it didn't feel like enough.
I tried to brush it off at work but it kept annoying me so I decided to write it out.
1. I have no female best friend. I thought I did twice but both turned out to be one sided. Jr is great but never knows what to say when I wanna talk so I can't talk to him. It makes things hard when im upset like now.cause he gets upset too. I just wish I had one person who would listen and try to talk things out.
2. Mom, wow doesn't that say it all. I never knew till now how alone she left cherie and I. Yeah I would talk to her but she wasn't my mom she wanted to be my friend. Then even after all the horrible things bob did she still isolated herself from every one and wanted sympathy from her kids instead of standing on her feet and doing what needed to be done. I feel so damaged by it that I have a hard time with life. I can't stand on my own feet sometimes. Though I try harder then she does. This whole accident makes me wanna stop talking to her. She's to negative and it kills me inside. Nothing is ok in her eyes and nothing ever will be.
3.work, I feel so unappricitaed and every one blams all of the problems on us. If its wrong it has to be med records. The only one in the office who appriciates us is leaving and it makes me really sad. I almost want a new job. However, I know things will be similar no matter where I go so I won't be dramatic and run cause it won't help. I also wonder sometimes if my mom had been there for me more if I would feel this way so often.
4.nana, basically is just not there and I don't wanna talk to her or see her cause all she does is use me. That's the only time she ever calls me is if she needs something so I do the same to her.
5. Im thankful for cherie, I know you will read this. I love you thank you for being my sister.
6. Dad, he is actually there and its nice to have a parent even if it came from the most unexpected place.
7. I do have krista and allison but I can't say best friend to either cause they have there own but they a great friends and I would do anything for them.
8. Mike, jesse, cory, and all the people around them are great friends. They can always cheer me up and im thankful for that.
9. jr I don't need to say much everyone knows what he means to me.
So even though I know im not this is why I feel alone but, I also wanted to say the good things in my life cause they are there and im not my mom. So I guess that's it I think I need to be on dr. Phil just so I can talk to someone and maybe my mom could get help to. Until then ill keep trying to stay on the brightside.

So today started fine. Got up fed the dog and left for work. While in the car however, I got a horrible feeling of lonleiness. Now I know its silly I have friends and jr but, at that moment it didn't feel like enough.
I try and brush it off at work but it kept annoying me so I decided to write it out.
1. I have no female best friend. I thought I did twice but both turned out to be one sided. Jr is great but never knows what to say when I wanna talk so I can't talk to him. It makes things hard when im upset like now. I just wish I had one person who would listen and try to talk things out.
2. Mom, wow doesn't that say it all. I never knew till now how alone ahe left cherie and I. Yeah I would talk to her but she wasn't my mom she wanted to be my friend. Then even after all the horrible things bob did she still isolated herself from every one and wanted sympathy from her kids instead of standing on her feet and doing what needed to be done. I feel so damaged by it that I have a hard time with life. I can't stand on my own feet sometimes. Though I try harder then she does. This whole accident makes me wanna stop talking to her. She's to negative and it kills me inside. Nothing is ok in her eyes and nothing ever will be.
3.work, I feel so unappricitaed and every one blams all of the problems on us. If its wrong it has to be med records. The only one in the office who appriciates us is leaving and it makes me really sad. I almost want a new job. But sometimes I wonder if my mom had been there for me more if I would feel this way so often.
4.nana, basically is just not there and I don't wanna talk to her or see her cause all she does is use me. That's the only time she ever calls ne is if she needs something so I do the same to her.
5. Im thankful for cherie, I know you will read this. I love you thank you for being my sister.
6. Dad, he is actually there and its nice to have a parent even if it came from the most unexpected place.
7. I do have krista and allison but I can't say best friend to either cause they have there own but they a great friends and I would do anything for them.
So even though I know im not this is why I feel alone but, I also wanted to say the good things in my life cause they are there and im not my mom. So I guess that's it I think I need to be on dr. Phil just so I can talk to someone and maybe my mom could get help to. Until then ill keep trying to stay on the brightside.

So I woke up late cause I had a head ache and now im still being lazy. I watched deep impact I forgot how sad that movie was. Im gonna rent martian child today I can't wait to see it. Well any way I have to make myself get up and clean. ^_^

Hello all. So I got a new phone and it has internet and email so I am going to try and keep writing. Cause now when im sitting somewhere doing nothing, like right now im getting my hair done, I can write in my journal. So yay and I will do my best!

YAY!!!!!!!

I AM 21!!!!

I am so excited to go out drinking legally for the first time. People at work spoiled me and bought me things. It was so nice of them I didn't expect anything but I love the people I work with. Now I am off to my final wish me luck!

We went to Ren fest for kristas 21st birthday and chris's first time going. We had so much fun chantelle and krista were belly dancers I was a princess....Ded bob bowed to me it was awesome!! so now I would like to show pictures....enjoy!

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g55/lostangel1456/P3240567.jpg
chantelle and I

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g55/lostangel1456/P3240568.jpg
Being sexy

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g55/lostangel1456/P3240569.jpg
chantelle and chris

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g55/lostangel1456/P3240570.jpg
chris being sexy

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g55/lostangel1456/P3240566.jpg
krista getting henna

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g55/lostangel1456/P3240571.jpg
kristas henna

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g55/lostangel1456/P3240572.jpg
krista and alex

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g55/lostangel1456/P3240573.jpg
aw chris in his kilt and purse

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g55/lostangel1456/P3250575.jpg
chantelle got her hair done

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g55/lostangel1456/P3250576.jpg
aw alex bought us flowers

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g55/lostangel1456/P3250578.jpg
chantelle and alex

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g55/lostangel1456/P3250579.jpg
krista and chantelle

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g55/lostangel1456/P3250580.jpg
we are so cute!

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g55/lostangel1456/P3250582.jpg
krista and I

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g55/lostangel1456/P3250584.jpg
I got to hold a goose!!!

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g55/lostangel1456/P3250585.jpg
YAY!

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g55/lostangel1456/P3250586.jpg
CUTE!

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g55/lostangel1456/P3250587.jpg
we loved this grey hound he was missing a leg! he lost it to cancer but he has yet to notice its gone.

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g55/lostangel1456/P3250583-1.jpg
YAY!! ded bob!!

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g55/lostangel1456/P3250589.jpg
We had a great day so its group photo time!!

Last night I got to go to the most amazing concert I have ever been to...MY Chemical Romance...I was so impressed with their stage presence. Gerard is even hotter in person and so full of life ::Sigh:: They had fire and sparks and even confetti!! We were on the floor and in the mosh pits it was great but my body hurts and I have no voice ^_^ YAY!!! I went with krista and twos other girls from my work and one of which this was her first concert. She had such a good time and she lost her shoe in the mosh pit. It was awsome!! Gerard threw a water bottle into the crowd I didn't get the bottle but I did get covered in the water ^_^ hehehehehehe It made me happy. I am still in my happy little world and day dreaming about him Awww so I am going to lie down and dream and hope my body pains go away and if not oh well a reminder of the fun!!!

Ok its been a while but here we go....

1. JR
2. My job ^_^
3. Krista
4. chantelle
5. My sister <3
6. Harry Potter
7. Manga
8. Anime
9. Jack and Sally (chinchillas)
10. Flowers ^_^

I tag.....

krista
megan
Erin
Cori (Yay your posting)
And thats all cause no one posts!!!!

Lets see....life has been interesting lately.....James cheated on me and got a girl pregnant (can you say unltimate heartbreak) I thought I knew him and that he was the one person who would never hurt me but I was so wrong. He threaten to take me to court over the engagment ring. So this is him twisting the knife...He backed off a little but hacked into my e-mail and messed with it. Thank god I got it back with minimal damage. My mom had another seizure and is doing better. So now I am trying to form some sort of life its been very hard. It hurts every day. However, I am going to take this experiance as a lesson and try to think before I act. I do have a new boyfriend and he is VERY VERY good to me I couldn't ask for more. So for the most part I am finally happier and everyday it grows. Now I look to the future and not to the past I am trying to forget the end of 2006 and heal...

HERES TO HEALING AND MOVING FORWARD!!!

So I started back to school today. I am in intro to world religion. So far I love this class. It is very interesting and I love the teacher. I am excited for the first time in a while about my class. It is a nice change.

James and I are over once agan and once again I must start the healing process. He has someone new and wasn't man enough to tell me and has completley abandoned me. It will probably be for the best but......only time will tell.

So here I sit at PVCC at a computer sick but for the first time in a while feel pretty good. I hope this pattern keeps up.....

and just for fun this is my hobbit name

Tigerlily Knotwise of Michel Delving

Tári Ancalimë


this is my name in elvish who ever can help me pronounce it will be my favorite XOXOXO